Big Dawg and Lil Wimpy
Episode II: “Lucky Caught Undercover”
THE BALLAD OF BIG DAWGGIE AND HIS GOLDEN CHAIN It could be a day in September, a day you’ll always remember ‘Cause that could be the day that Big Dawggie falls We all got a chance to know him Never heard nothin’ but conflicting things about him Yard dawgs I’m depending on you to tell all of the truth
(Spoken) All the old yard dawgs just looked at each other and said, “young Dawgs
Big Dawggie had a golden chain Where ever he staked his chain was his Claim But when he fell All he left us was some blame.”
Introduction: It was a mild early summer when the old yard dawgs signed their lives away to Big Dawg’s Biscuit program for 20 bags. The dawgs didn’t realize Big Dawggie’s illusionary voluntary offer was a disguised scheme to give up their yards for a future incoming of young Golden Retrievers—fresh out from Obedient University.
Now that the window of no-return has passed, Big Dawg has settled in with a feeling that he has complete control over all the dawgs in his territory. Or does he? The summer dew that evaporates into thin air reminds the old dawgs that life is filled with uncertainty. A life the dawgs once lived enjoyed and felt secure with while guarding their yards has now evaporated into thin air for many of them.
But go back into your mind and remember Larry’s last will and testament before he breathed his last, “Big Dawg and Lil Wimpy did this to us and the old yard dawgs are pointing their fingers at them.”
Meanwhile, Lucky the impressionist, maintains an unbreakable power over Big Dawg. This unbreakable vex has allowed the lone stranger of Dash Hounds to scour the territory, to search out and convince other younger dawgs, to support his ultimate yard take over scheme. If only there was an Underdog?
To the young dawgs, Lucky’s impressions seem impressive and are convincing enough that Lucky is their future Big Dawg. Convinced by oratory and a chuckling smile by Lucky, some of the young yarders are waiting in line to move into the big dawg house with Lucky once he has taken over. If only there was an Underdog?
Now, the question still remains, “will Big Dawg Listen?” Can he break away from the power of impressions and lead all the dawgs from the heart instead of his clanging golden chain that dangles from his thick neck when he runs the yards? If only there was an Underdog?
At the present, Lucky continues to unfold his undercover scheme for control and power, and the present now finds the impressionist in a meeting with his faithful and loyal hounds. There are five of Lucky’s closes allies in his strategy session. Here, Lucky marks his spot where he plans to eventually succeed Big Dawg and become the leader of all the dawgs. It is a mark of dirty tricks and political gaming that speaks well of Lucky’s nasty squeaky hound of a growl.
Come with me now and listen in as Lucky’s strategy meeting fades up into real time—Lucky’s plan to sell Big Dawg Out.
LUCKY: (Cheerfully smiling) Fellas…we’ve got Big Dawg purring like an old, sleepy kitten. I offered him a dawg biscuit but he said that “he was not in the mood.” Ummm….the last time I saw him his lips were rolling, his canine teeth were locked, and his paw was shaking with anger. But no worries, Big Dawg’s furry coat that covers his massive body will be on my floor as a rug that will warm my paws.
HOUND: You worried Lucky? Your long body and short legs makes an eager target for Big Dawg’s hefty bite.
LUCKY: I ain’t—a scared—of no Big Dawg! He’s canine just like you and me whom you shall learn is not indestructible.
But…for the sake of calling you all together, I now present to you Phase I of our covert plan nicknamed, “Operation Hound Dawg. Already it seems on target for success. (The five dawgs sound their hound of approval while Lucky continues.)
The Big Buy Out of retiring old yard dawgs is working.
The youthful Golden Retrievers are on their way pretty much handpicked by me from Obedient University.
My impressionists’ personality has captivated dawggie land.
And…in a little while hounds, we will control all the yards down here in our territory.
HOUND: Well then what’s gonna happen to Big Dawg? You gonna bury his ashes at yo house?
LUCKY: I have a better idea. I learned it in leadership school for hounds. In fact I wrote my dissertation on this concept for my doctorate on Houndology. Here it is guys….
Let’s be real, Big Dawg is an old dawg mentally numbed by my secret ability of being able to make stellar impressions. Look at it this way….I have bought out and have direct control of many of the young yard dawgs. At the end of my plan, Big Dawg will be given over to animal control and the head keeper known by all the dawgs as Nuts will take care of Big Dawg and send him on to “Dawggie land.”
HOUND: And they conferred a doctoral degree on you for a plan like this?
LUCKY: Watch your bark Hound. Your bark could land you in animal control.
HOUND: You mean, Big Dawg will be handed over to “Nuts?” Nuts is ruthless. That’s why we call him Nuts. Big Dawg will end up road kill! The animal disposal truck will pick Big Dawg up and send him to a recycle plant for road kill and then grind Big Dawg up where his remains will be sold for animal feed.
LUCKY: Listen! Shed no tears over Big Dawg. Who do we fear the most as hounds? Big Dawgs—stupid! We’re supposed to be smarter than the big dawgs!
Some of you all need to go to Obedient University—you’re messing my place up by the way. Hey Spanky! Use a tree! You’re on my spot.
HOUND: It’s not us Lucky. Your marked spots are all over the place. You need to get a maid with a poop scoop to clean-up the poop around here. How about Shirley the Poodle? She knows how to clean-up red marks.
LUCKY: Now here’s a warning to all of ya. . .one more out burst from any of you and Nuts is coming over to take you to animal control with all your poop. You got it!
Dr. Lucky….please don’t bring Nuts over here….he’s ruthless….some say he has no heart and comes from hell below. He’s big, ferocious and hates hounds.
LUCKY: Then get your Hound selves together! I’ve paid Nuts off with some of Big Dawg’s Biscuits. He’ll do anything for some biscuits. All you have to do is soak’em in butter and syrup.
All of you get this straight. To my credit I’m a walking sociopath. I have no feelings for Big Dawg or any other dawg that might be in my way. You have to understand dawg life. Big Dawg’s cycle of life will come to a halting end. Get it straight—Big Dawg is road kill Hounds.
By the way I can’t stand the way Big Dawg growls. Have you ever seen Big Dawg’s razor like teeth? No Hounds, Nuts will take care of Big Dawg. Oh by the way, we’re gonna get his main dawg called “Numbers” too….yep….the one who looks like a Rottweiler but acts like a Catahoula Leopard Dog.
(Suddenly arriving is Big Dawg with his golden chain dangling from his neck along with Lil Wimpy who walk through the door into the room while Lucky is speaking.
Instantly, the young dawgs kneel on their stomachs and put their heads on the floor. Big Dawg turns around and exposes his back side that has a pearl ring attached. Lucky immediately crawls over to Big Dawg and in front of the Hounds kisses the official Big Dawg ring after which Big Dawg speaks. . . .)
BIG DAWG: Lucky, you have kissed the ring in the tradition of our kind? Will you do what your Big Dawg wishes?
LUCKY: (Lucky swallows a gulp of air frightened by the presence of Big Dawg and then screams. . . .)
Yes Big Dawg, yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! (Uncontrollable)
BIG DAWG: By the way Lucky, I need to speak to you in my office at my Big Dawg Headquarters. You are supposed to be mentoring all the dawgs so they can take care of their yards, but instead the yards are reporting the opposite. I have some work for you to do. By the way, when will the young dawgs arrive from Obedient School?
Oh….wait a minute! For the rest of you hounds….I better see you on your chain, staked in your yards. And I better not get any anonymous complaints from the dawgs in your yard.
Now stop your “yes-ing” and answer my question Lucky! (In a raised tone)
LUCKY: Gracious Big Dawg. . . it is already happening Big Dawg. Don’t forget the Dawg reviews. They give us a whole lot of “bones to pick” when we get through with them.
LIL WIMPY: (Whispering in Lucky’s ear in another Shepherd’s dialect) Lucky….Nuts is in Big Dawg’s office. I thought I should tell you. And a dawg truck with a sign on it that says “Animal Control” is in the yard. Oops! Nuts brought his “dawg disposal bag” that has “some things” you know, “things.” Whenever Nuts shows up with that bag it usually means….well….a one way trip to hell in many pieces.
By the way Lucky, I love the way you kissed Lucky’s backside. Pretty soon you’ll end like me—wimpish.
(If only there was an Underdog. . . .?)
*This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental