(On a cold afternoon Frank Reclines on his couch, and slips into a deep, deep sleep. After consuming too many fig bars hours before his nap, Frank finds himself wrestling for his life in a huge vat of processed cheese. His frantic struggle in the nightmare finds the reclusive boss consuming large quantities of a new kind of cheese branded as “New Jack Organic Cheese.” After wrestling for his life from the goons who were revealed to Frank as “cheese heads” he suddenly wakens out of his nightmare stupor with a new plan for power and control…)
FRANK: Dino, a few days ago I had a nightmare, through which a great idea was revealed. My revelation came to me through “flesh and blood” on how we can control the pigeons and takeover the big headquarters. You might say “I was caught down into the third hell.”
DINO: Wow! What kind of revelation would come to you in “flesh-and-blood” like that Frank?
FRANK: Here it is Dino—we are going to take our “cheese for chicken program” and turn it into the ACME Cheese Company. No one else knows cheese like us. That’s our mission statement by the way. I got the catch phrase from Dr. Icanstein. We’re going “legit” Dino.
DINO: But why Frank? Why? Why start a cheese business?
FRANK: Dino! Focus! Do you need more of my hypnosis therapy! You seem to have a hard time staying on track these days. Do you need some of my special stay-on-track pills?
DINO: No, no, no don’t clap your hands again Frank. And please Frank, no more of them pills. And I don’t want to go on a journey to the ends of the earth again Frank. It seems as if you are taking over my mind. I can’t think for myself.
FRANK: (Frank now grabs Dino’s cheeks with both hands and gives him the family kiss of acceptance)
Ok then Dino, here’s my “flesh and blood” business venture:
Did you know Dino that it is possible that cheese may be one of the best dairy products ever processed? A lot of Americans and other people of this big world love cheese so much that the cheese-making industry has become a big business. Many varieties of cheese grace our taste buds and are stocked on the supermarket shelves, deli and other food places.
DINO: YEH, YEH, YEHHHH…
FRANK: You’ll be surprised to know that there’s a thing called “cheese addiction.” Revealed through “flesh and blood” a scientific study conducted in the eighties exposed that traces of “morphine” can be found in milk and dairy products, and the highest among them can be located right in that good, old processed cheese.
DINO: Did you say…morphine…Frank?
Frank: You’re finally focusing Dino! The answer is yes! Now you ask – who put the morphine in the cheese? I was knocked off my tail myself by this revelation that came from “flesh and blood.” Follow me on this Dino—the nightmare that so gripped my mind revealed that a specific milk protein called casein is found in cow’s milk. And, this same protein releases opiates when digested, which occurs more in cheese than in any other dairy product—since cheese is a concentrated milk protein after lactose sugar and water are extracted in the cheese-making process. What do you say to that Dino?
Yes Dino—too much cheese can actually develop into a form of addiction. Dino, DO-YOU-UNDERSTAND where I’m going with this?
DINO: I’m with you boss, I’m with you.
Now, we’ll sell our cheese at a low cost and as “their” gesture of appreciation they will buy our product and gladly give us chicken. Before they know it they are hooked for life and we’ll be in complete control with all the power we could ever need.
Oh, by the way, our brand of cheese is called “New Jack Organic Cheese.” Remember that brand name Dino.” We spare no expense for our customers.
DINO: Great idea Frank! Can I be your partner in crime?
FRANK: Slap, slap, slap! Don’t ever use that word around me again. Were not criminals we’re animals. By the way here comes Jerry and his new friend Garfield driving our new ACME Cheese Company truck. What a beauty!
By the way we tested our “New Jack Organic Cheese” on Garfield. He took one bite and is hooked for life. When I need a favor I get a lot of chicken from him. WE’RE GOING TO SELL A WHOLE LOT OF CHEESE DINO—A WHOLE LOT OF CHEESE!
DINO: Frank, what are we going to do with Garfield?
FRANK: Never share the family business with him. When we don’t need him anymore, we’ll get Stinky at A-1 to slip Garfield a “sleeping biscuit.” Dino, you know Stinky owes us all a favor.
Will the ACME Cheese Company become a successful business venture? Will the pigeons go for the cheese and get hooked? Keep reading and stay tuned.
*FRANK’S ACHME CHEESE COMPANY is a satire published by the writer of Left Behind, and is not intended maliciously. All names and situations in this story are satirized. All names are a fictional depiction. Any attempt to read anything further into these fictional stories is the readers own self identification and characterization.